In the fall of 2017 at Jeff Goins’ Tribe Conference, I met Debbie Cunningham– a confident, talented musician and author entering the empty nest phase of life. While waiting in line for the best donuts EVER at Five Daughters Bakery, we chatted about family life and her music career. I was fascinated that this amazing woman had found creative success on her terms all while keeping her husband and children her top priority over the years. I needed to know more and peppered her with questions.
Fortunately, she has written a book to share her hard-earned wisdom on marriage and love. Debbie’s first book, Dancing in the Kitchen, releases May 7th. I’m excited that more people will be able to benefit from her insights and experience. And thanks to Debbie, for graciously answering some more questions for me to share on the blog. Check out our interview below!
Something I’m passionate about here at BRC is encouraging artists with families to find a way to pursue their creative gifts. You’ve definitely been able to do that while keeping your husband and kids your main priority. How has being a “family-first creative” impacted your music career and your family?
I actually built my Jazz career and entertainment business while raising two kids. I stayed local because that worked with my commitment to my family. Keeping the music business on a simmer while my primary job was managing our household was good for me though. It allowed me to grow slowly, learn how to run a business and try things without the constant pressure of full time work or feeling like I was missing life with my family.
Sometimes the creative life can be all encompassing from booking gigs to travel, songwriting and recording. I did it on my terms. However, when I did have concerts locally, my husband and kids were my biggest supporters. They helped sell merchandise and sometimes they joined me on stage for a song or two, especially in my annual Christmas concert. My husband and both kids can sing so when we get to perform together it’s a blast.
I love that your latest album, A Million Kisses, is all about staying in love. How has this message connected you to your audience?
My audience is primarily couples. I have been married 31 years and most of them know I not only wrote these lyrics but I’ve lived some of them too. It connects us because we are on this journey of staying in love together.
You have a book about marriage coming out soon! What’s your favorite advice offered in the book?
Cultivating deeper connection with your spouse by making FUN a priority again! When we first fall in love we get to know each other and build connection through dating. We go do fun things together, movies, concerts, sporting events etc. However, as we progress in marriage, gain greater responsibilities, stress with jobs and families, it seems fun moves to the bottom of our priority list. We need to do those things again or try something new together. Take a cooking or art class, learn a skill or go out with friends we can talk and laugh with. We can even volunteer together if it is meaningful and brings us joy. Just find something you can both enjoy together but do not discuss the issues when you go out. Fun must be for refreshment. Carve out a different time for discussing conflict but leave it out of date time.
How do you define success as an artist?
Success for me is doing what I love and having people find value in or appreciate my work. When I sing a song that resonates and touches someone emotionally that is success to me. It means I’ve communicated a message that made a difference. Ultimately, when people hear me speak or sing, I want them to have fun, be refreshed or inspired.
What strategies have you found to be the most helpful in promoting your music?
Having an email list is crucial so you have direct contact with your fans. Using social media has definitely helped get the word out too but the best way is when your fans are letting their friends know by sharing your music. Write a book or create another companion product that serves your audience. Since my book has been gaining exposure my music is too.
Why should those of us who are parents devote time to our dreams, even with all of the responsibilities and obligations we are balancing every day?
Initially, when I began cultivating my music aspirations again I felt guilty taking time away from my family or inconveniencing them. It was my husband that encouraged me. He said, “God has given you gifts and talents that he wants you to use in the world. It’s okay to cultivate them and we can support you in that.”
Honestly, it isn’t always easy balancing the family responsibilities but it is a great example to our kids to cultivate what God has given us and for them to realize the world does not revolve around them. They are a priority, yes, but you don’t stop being the person God created you to be just because you have children. It doesn’t mean you ignore your family either because God entrusted them to you too! Truly though when we use our gifts to create art, music, a product or a service that makes the world a better place, I believe it glorifies God and it also brings us joy. Who doesn’t want to invest a little time for that?
Thanks again to Debbie, for sharing her faith and wisdom! I’m happy to call her a friend and mentor. Click below to watch an inspiring 3-minute photo documentary on Debbie that her daughter, Deanna Carter, created!
